Councils
are defined as “an executive body whose members are equal in power and
authority (Merriam-Webster.com).” Elder Russell M. Ballard encourages families
and couples to consider employing the power of councils into their
relationships. Elder Ballard in his book, Counseling With Our Councils, tells of a funny story of
how a family used this method of discussion to purchase a new family car. Through the counseling method the family
purchased a metallic pink car with powder blue interior. The family loved the car! Each family member felt important and
appreciated in the council of the family.
Elder Ballard said in April 2016, “Children desperately need parents willing to
listen to them, and the family council can provide a time during which family
members can learn to understand and love one another.”
How does this apply to your family?
And how do you hold a family council?
We can use family councils to bring together the family and
put everyone in a position of equality in regards to power and authority to
express themselves. Elder Russell M.
Ballard gives several suggestions for what a family council is.
1. It is a meeting that can be
held any day of the week about any subject.
2.
During the council all involved
should turn off their electronic devices and listen to each other.
3.
A council is a time to discuss
worries, fears, struggles or issues.
4.
This is a great time to offer help
and support.
5.
Make goals during this time to help
each other with struggles.
I recently used this method of council
with my children. I asked each child
individually to tell me an issue they struggled with in the house. I wrote an agenda for myself to follow (my
husband was privy to this information) and then invited each child (and my niece
who lives with us) to a family council.
Once in the council I set for a few ground rules (modifying suggestions
given in Counseling
With Our Councils to fit our family needs). They are:
1. When you present a topic, you only
bring up your struggle with the topic.
2. Don’t dwell on negatives (use only I
feel statements)
3. Speak only from your experience and
perspective.
4. Everyone needs to share his or her
opinion on the subject at hand.
5. Focus on what we want to have happen,
not what should a specific person do.
6. Set some specific goals to help
accomplish what the family would like to see happen.
By using these suggestions family
councils are ways to unify the family and helps the family members feel needed
and wanted in the family structure. My
little family seemed to enjoy being listened to and validated. Struggles that were presented were: the
present condition of the coat room, the non-functioning bathroom lock,
afterschool snacks and the desire for a little soda in the house.
As we took time to discuss these
issues, it was great to see everyone involved and participating. As a family we came to several conclusions
and goals that everyone agreed would meet their need. The decision that the children seemed to like
best was instituting homemade cookie Tuesday. The next few days after the
council I asked each child individually if they felt validated in their
opinions. Each one said yes and that
they appreciated the council.
For more information
on family councils please see:
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