"Marriage is God's graduate school for advanced training in Christian character.”
(H. Wallace Goddard)
School brings with it stresses and exams, deadlines and urgency, all the
while trying to cope with everyday trials and hassles. Amid the chaos of everyday life, we often
falter in our best efforts. Our pride shows
through. We don’t want to be the one
that is wrong. We don’t want to be the
one who must change. However, if we
aren’t careful we will fall victim to our own pride.
I struggle
with pride. My spouse is the more humble
of the two of us. When we first met we
were in a meeting together. I was very impressed because I had to correct some
of the information he had been stating.
I stood my ground and corrected him.
All he said back, in a tone of complete kindness, was, “You’re
right!” And then he continued on. It was the first time in my life I didn’t
have to fight for my position or point of view.
I didn’t feel a sense of pride over this; I was humbled beyond belief
that you could do that and not have it be a big deal.
How to deal
with pride: Dealing with my pride is a day-to-day
issue. I can be hot-blooded and a
determined in one fell swoop. That comes
in handy when I need to complete a task, but not so much when I want to keep my
marriage in tact. Ezra Taft Benson said,
“Pride
is essentially competitive in nature.” I
have learned that when I start to feel competitive, I have to stop and ask what’s
my reasoning behind the competition? Is
it appropriate? If my spouse and I are
playing tennis, a little competition does not hurt. But, when we disagree on how to load the
dishwasher, the competition can be damaging.
Brene Brown suggests using the 5 minutes, 5 days, 5 months or 5 years
from now rule. When I sense competition
coming over how to load the dishes, I can say will it matter 5 minutes from
now? Maybe. 5 days from now? Nope.
5 months from now? Definitely
not. If all of these questions cannot be
answered with an emphatic yes, then I have to learn to let it go.
What does this look like in real life? I do this by:
·
Walking away (he’s a man and I trust him—He’s
got this),
·
Focusing on the positive and expressing
appreciation. (I am so glad your doing the dishes; I really appreciate you
helping around the house.)
·
Completely involving myself in another activity
(I’ll bath the kids, since you’ve got the dishes)
·
Delegating tasks (I’ll load while you clear the
counters)
By using one of these methods my sense of competition and
pride can be put in check. How do you control your pride?
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